Updates from the Department of Ailing CGPA

By: Daniel Echoda

The illness began from the first year we got into UI. We began by joining any and every organization, majority of which are totally unrelated to what we want to do with our lives. As freshmen, it was only a matter of weeks before we became famous in comparison to some stalites. We took part in events that held in campus, and no show passes by without us attending. A few of us had a healthy CGPA in our first year, it only started falling as we progressed in our academic journey. From a desire to finish with 4.0 CGPA in 100lv, to a wish to not fall below 2.1 in 200lv, and later, a prayer to at least remain on 2.2, it has been a downward journey.

We are no longer freshmen, we are now in 200, 300, or 400 level; and our CGPA has also been changing levels but in a reverse direction. But if not for Tsunami, who cares?

It became worse during covid-19. It started with the virus that infected our CGPA. We started virtual classes, but that one sef na scam; we only wear earphone, join the classes, and doze off, or join the class while chatting on WhatsApp, just to mark attendance. After that, we have no time for books. No be mumu dey read?  We heard that the virus that infected our GP has no vaccine. Its final strain is called Tsunami – the tsunami virus. Na God go punish Corona sha!

We start every semester with a fresh desire and wish that our GP will rise, but in the end, na our BP dey rise. According to them, we are in the tenth week in the academic calendar when some of us are still yet to resume reading. Tests are around the corner, then exams, and soon, the semester ends again. Make this people dey calm down.

Popular in UI politics, but our CGPA is too poor to make us contest. Also, we know UI is far behind, but we secretly wish ASUU goes on strike. It is not like we are going to read, even if father ASUU bless us with 3 months holiday; we only hope it will at least give us some rest. Who knows, with this time, will the CGPA will increase on its own?

The last time we had time for TDB was in our first year. MTN? Who does that? We only crash-read to pass exams. Twenty four hours is not enough for one day. “Abi ka drop out ni?” Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook is a drop out, Bill Gates, the Billionaire also dropped out – aje, you dey motivate us! We can also become billionaires like them. ‘’But na Harvard them drop out from…’’ Abeg, forget that one, school na school. They sha drop out!

No be we cause am. Na only God go punish Corona, punish the economy, punish the system; in fact, punish Buhari and Donald Trump join. Na them cause am! Our only prayer be say make Tsunami no carry us.

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