Madam Speecker, Abeg Reason my Matter!

By: Sofo Makinde


Scene 1. Inside the office of the Speecker of  the School Replenishment Chamber (SRC), Fess and Bess Institution. The Olórí-Oko of the Fess and Bess walks into the office.  

Olórí-Oko: (raising up his two hands) My Speecker! My Speecker! The only Speecker in the Premier Institution( Sorry, Premiere Progressive). Any other Speecker is a counterfeit! Iya won! 

M.S: Abeg, no whine me jare. You don f*ck up, you come dey rush come my office. Na only when you f*ck up, you dey always remember me. 

Olórí-Oko: Ah han, nebi so naw. You know say I rate you gan. Forget, you na person. But about this matter, how we wan take run am naw?

M.S : Hmmmm. Olórí-Oko, that your talk for Sheyee Jagaban front yesterday no too fresh. One on one, I go tell you, you no try at all.The pressure wey I don dey face since that time till now no be small. 

Olórí-Oko: Iya mi, me sef I know. No vex

M.S: But why you sef go talk that kind thing?  Why you go talk say all of us go chop Àgbàdo? 

Olórí-Oko: (looking remorseful) Na slip of tongue jare. As I take see Sheyee that day, my body just dey totori me, like say I never see dignitary for my life before. My mouth just dey dance like say na hot boli dey inside.  I no know when I go declare say  Fess and Bess go chop Àgbàdo, without their consent. 

M.S: Na this scribe people come dey worsen the matter. Most especially that Nindy scribe and CJU. I hate those people with all my life! 

Olórí-Oko: Ha! No be only you o! I hate them gan. Dem no dey everly mind their business. Na everytime dem always chook mouth for inside student politics. Na so dem almost finish my Mouthpiece career last semester, because of accountability. Na that Hindy Scribe dey vex me pass. 

M.S: Omo, that your Mouthpiece matter still dey there too. A whole image maker of the  institution. Na only recommendation we don dey do. Na you we dey wait for like this, so you go tell us wetin we go carry your Mouthpiece take do. I know say those Scribes no go rest.

Olórí-Oko: Wo, na him own business be that jare. Na my own matter I come for, Madam Speecker, reason my matter, abeg. 

M.S: Hmmm, this your matter get as hin be. Everybody just dey para gan.  You know say na grave offence to go dey make choice for the whole populace without their consent. Dem dey vex gan. I no know if na the Àgbàdo dem dey vex for or na for you. 

Olórí-Oko: Na both jare. Na that 8 months ASUN strike wey dem suffer last year go dey pain dem pass. Na because say Àgbàdo come from the party of be the ruling party, na why. But, make we reason am, shey Àgbàdo na bad food ni? Àgbàdo get structure for back like Golden Mon, Ògi, Con Flakz, and others.

M.S: Wo, me I no know oh. 

Olórí-Oko: Àgbàdo nebi bad food jare. 

M.S On top your matter, shey make we knack you suspension for four weeks? 

Olórí-Oko: (Agitated) Ha! Suspension bawo. On top wetin naw? Say I say make everybody  chop Àgbàdo?  Shebi I tell dem say na mistake naw.  To err is human, to forgive is divine. 

M.S: But you sef know say we dey tasked to always dey check and balance una power. And so far, people talk say we no dey try at all. 

Olórí-Oko: I know, I know. But na the power you dey check so naw. Na just to check am in a balanced way remain like this. Something wey go suit two of us. 

M.S: Olórí-Oko, you know say all eyes dey on top me. If I no give better judgement, the populace and these scribe people go begin reason my matter. 

Olórí-Oko: Hmmmm. I get you, my Speecker. But that suspension too much. 

M.S: Okay. You know wetin go happen? 

Olórí-Oko: Wetin? 

M.S: I go draft official release send am out. Use big big grammar full am. Then, for the end, I go come instruct you to make public apology. We go put deadline for there, make hin be like say we sef dey vess. 

Olórí-Oko: Ehen! That one make sense gan. Na why I rate you be this. My Speecker! Omo Iya mi! 

M.S: (In between laughter) No dey whine me jare. We gats always work together. 

Olórí-Oko: Exactly! Together like a broom. This one suppose shut everybody mouth up for some weeks. The forthcoming voting go cover am up soon. 

M.S: Naso! 

Olórí-Oko: Ehem, what if all these scribe people start to talk? 

M.S: Make dem talk jare. Na their business be that. 


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