Dear students,

It is with great humility that I stand before you today, not just as your representative, but as your Deliverer, your Messiah of the Meal Tickets, and your Solar-Powered Savior.

When Team “Renewed Hope” assumed office, the student community was in a state of despondency. There was darkness everywhere on campus. Hostels resembled caves, fees were hiking like they were preparing for Everest, and the only thing lower than morale was the Wi-Fi signal.

But did we run away? No. Did we resign? Also no. We did what true, responsible leaders would have done. We sacrificed our lectures, our sleep, and occasionally our sense of grammar to solve these issues.

On student victimization, management thought they could intimidate the students. But we, armed with a strong sense of justice and several forwarded WhatsApp messages, stood up to them. We told them boldly: “What you have done is wrong!” Yes, we said it with grammatical courage without entertaining any iota of cowardice. Today, victimization has become a matter of the past. Thanks to our diligence.

Also, when the lights went out, hope didn’t. We lobbied alumni, some of whom donated solar panels. Did it power the whole school? No. Did it power the hostel corridors? Yes. So now, instead of bumping into each other in the dark, students can now bump into each other in well-lit hallways. Also, theft is reduced because, as we all know, thieves fear solar light.

Additionally, we fought back against the unjust fee hike not by reducing it, of course, but by sympathizing deeply. We understand your pain, and to show solidarity, we paid the school fees of 40, out of 33000 students, out of our personal pocket money. Who else can say they’ve done that? Apart from their parents, of course.

We also went beyond academic concerns. Every week, we selected random, fortunate students chosen by the holy algorithm of our WhatsApp group to receive free meals. It was like a Squid Game, but instead of elimination, you got rice and stew. No administration before us has fed students with such frequency and publicity. We posted every plate online because if a good deed isn’t posted, did it really happen?

On transportation, we also addressed the Great Transport Crisis of Semester One. Remember when students had to walk for nearly seven minutes because there were no shuttles? Those were dark days. We petitioned. We posted. We even called a meeting. And eventually, the buses returned not because of us, but while we were in office. Coincidence? We think not.

Let us talk about the Village Court, a kangaroo court of epic injustice, where some of the Adolf Hitlers of our time handed out sanctions like candy. But we, champions of truth and defenders of attendance defaulters, said “enough is enough.” And while we cannot claim full credit, we did draft a memo that was almost sent.

Thanksgiving and Glory 

Now, as our tenure comes to a glorious, tear-jerking end, we gather not just to say goodbye but to say “Indeed, we have served the students well.” Today is our Thanksgiving, a time to reflect, rejoice, and take professionally angled photos for LinkedIn. We have served. We have sacrificed.

Some ask, what next for Team Renewed Hope? Mainstream politics, of course! After all, if we can install one solar panel and take credit for everything under the sun.

As we prepare to leave office, we say this to future administration. Good luck. You will need it. The bar has been raised so high, you may need a drone to reach it.