By – Benedict Ugor

Gee! You made it into the premier University. An institution, which is numerically not only the fess, but in no uncertain terms the bess.

Factually, ‘Ibadan‘ is first in sub-Saharan Africa, sixth in Africa, and shortly to be seen the first in the world. Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations!!!

Following the above hype, usually directed at any new entrant, who have freshly scaled through the snare of rigorous examinations into the prestigious University of Ibadan, Ibadan, Nigeria, below is my adventurous reception.

My name is Mr. Wisdom-served-very-hot. I am the ginger that made you choose UI, (and not the Ark of Covenant, or its Baptist Lutheran equal) whether it was once, twice, or thrice you tried dialing admission code. I am simply that which I am. While I am not Odumeje, I am a thickly soluble pepper which shows a defiant student shege. You want to see my worth, listen to my teachings culled from experience.

Resumption can be exciting. After many months of staying idle at home, washing plates and clothes, sweeping floors, running errands here and there like a rabbit, it should feel glad resuming. What should excite most is that you are in a University where many are called but few are chosen. In fact, it would be right to say you have finally made it in life. Making it before you, I wish to humbly advice you like a mother duck guiding her flock from behind. I hope to see you pick your forward moves incautiously as the session starts.

Food-for-Thought: Navigating Consumerism

First, nevermind what you can do with the empty pans and the green stove your parent has freshly bought. Bear in mind consistently that there are cafeterias in all halls of residence and each by its name should be a taste to your tongue. They are places you should visit thrice and daily. With plenty of money in purse or pocket, you should eat balanced equation till your stomach goes affront, and legs unable to return you to its square root.

As a freshman, you can choose to sample the different foods on campus, from Archives to the unhidden the food joint at Indy Hall black market. Thinking sapa? You should not be anxious. Tomorrow will sort itself. You have money today and you should spend it. Remember that your parents are not watching, and that being here is all about freedom. Save yourself the rigour of cooking expensive raw foods. Order foods, like a lieutenant will command, from anywhere in the University or outside. You are only a student, learning in your way.

The taps? nevermind mind them too. You should never drink from any of the known holes, be it bore-hole or tap-hole. Muddying the waters, you can always go for soft drinks like coca-cola, fanta, and pepsi. They were made for final consumers like you. Remember that the human body is averagely 60-percent of water. Imagine the striking beauty of a colourful, tasteful and deodorizing water in your academic bodysuit.

All-Terrain Transportation: No Road is Short

The University is some 1,032 hectares in landmass. So, never trust any distance. For every journey on campus, it is always the best practice to ride through the campus ruts. Disregard the attempt to use ‘Leggediz Benz‘ when taxi and keke-napep full everywhere. In fact, pay impulsively to any distance, it is your parents money. Is life not a journey that must be travelled no matter how bad the roads and accomodations?

Social Study: Tea-party to After-party, Religious-party to Daily-practice

As a fresh Uite, you should go wherever the wind blows. But never be two impressionable things. Do not, harken I say, be the first to arrive at a faculty or hall party, and never, I warn, be the last to go home. With no nightclub in heaven, honour every event, invitation, and party that comes your way with reassurances.

With regards to religious fellowships, I trust that you must have been approached by over a hundred persons to over a hundred churches already. And your bag filled with flyers. “Hello, don’t forget the program o. There will be a free bus to Tarmac” the call will pray for you before jack-o’-lantern is spelt.

Extra-cullars! Yes, that is the right word for anything non-bookish. Sports, clubs, business, e.t.c. Engage in all. If you choose otherwise, you will not join any at all. You will only jack your bloated eyes out under the pretense of a first class honours.

On Hack-key-demics: Only Little Drops Should Matter

“Carpe diem” – ‘seize the day’ has been poet Horace’s way of telling the world to plump for success. But Horace is long gone. A new thing, if it catches on, should be a trend. Why should anyone dare think that an innocent day be seized?

As a fresh student, you should never bother about studying hard. The University was constructed by the best hands for your seamless soft landing. It is a gospel truth that the premier University is best equipped, with an adequate number of lecturers, timelessly available to teach from the first day of resumption to the day the semester breathe its last.

Secondly, for every unit of the lecture you don’t understand, spare yourself a question. You are as fresh as you think you are. Ask critical questions when the class is dark and empty of a teacher. Your colleagues are made of steel, they should conduct your inflammable fear, or may ‘heat’ you with their consuming faces.

Visiting all cafeterias, attending all events, joining all extracurriculars or none at all, and not bothering about studying, are navigable cum trustworthy ways to your exciting journey in you-high!