(From our archive)
There is often a story told about the beginning of things and how it starts with the beauty of novelty. My love affair with Katanga Republic began early in my 100 level days. No wooing was needed – she was the embodiment of perfection. Her architectural flourish was nothing compared to the boisterous energy her children possessed. In her fingers was voltage, shooting through every single Katangite. Zik could not rival our aro skills. The congress ground was a home of intellectual acrobatics. The political atmosphere crackled with electricity. Katangites were brothers. They were bound in unity. Katanga Republic was a home to be treasured. Today, I mourn the end of our fairytale love affair.
A HOUSE OF COMEDIES
On the 15th of October, a sitting was held in the Senate Chambers of Katanga Republic. The sitting, which was primarily to focus on the financial exploits of the Social and Buttery Commissioner, Comm. Obinna Ugochukwu, became a rather interesting affair – for the wrong reasons. Apart from the fact that almost two hours were spent on indecisively debating what to do about the clerk’s ultra-terribly-penned minutes, and the motion for his impeachment, there were a great many shenanigans which did not have to happen. The beating-around-the-bush went on for so long that even the S&B Commissioner had had half a good night’s sleep on one of the comfortable chairs before he was eventually called upon. Please, don’t blame him. Had you been there, you would have done the same. Believe me.
When it was time for him to be called forward, a trail of disappointments followed. The Audit Committee brought an audit report before the House without even bothering to make enough copies for the honourables to hold. There were forced to follow the whole report by ear – though I doubt many of them bothered to follow anything anymore at that point. In no time, some were sleeping so hard that the Chief Whip got tired of waking them and had to start reporting to the Speaker.
And then, the audit report itself came. Going through the report, one would immediately marvel at the wide distinctions between the initial financial reports given by Commissioner Ugochukwu and the result of the eventual findings by the audit committee. It instantly strikes one as a detailed and thorough analysis. However, the conundrum began after the Audit Chairman began to defend the reports. Ridiculous problems started to pop up. The Audit Chairman and Commissioner Ugochukwu began to argue over the actual money spent on DSTV subscription. How does that lead to argument? Why will the committee set up to audit an executive member begin to have a stand-off with the audited? Is this a matter of opinions or facts? One would expect that available receipts had been checked before the report was finalized. But it all became confusing. It became rather disturbing when the Audit Chairman began to “think” and guess the number of people who came to certain events on unquantifiable bases. He used words like shit, I think and others in defending the report. Even members of the House – such as the clerk and the Deputy Speaker – corroborated the stories told by Commissioner Ugochukwu in his own defense. Insinuations of bribe and betrayal began to fill the air. What on earth is going on, one would be tempted to ask.
It gets worse. Words got emotionally-charged. Grammatical rules became obsolete. Sitting dictates were flouted with recklessness. At one point, a councilman stopped mid-sentence to ask: E duro, se mo si oyinbo so ni? Wait, did I make a grammatical blunder? Without the deft management and diplomacy of the Speaker, Rt. Honourable Tom Ajayi, one wonders how terrible things would have got. Also, the sane contributions of a few like Honourable Emmanuel Falade and Honorable Oladepo brought some lucidity. The Social and Buttery Commissioner did not help matters. He justified expending Indy Hall resources on his errand boy and supposed council of “elders”. His stand-off with the chairman was befitting of a whole commissioner of the great Katanga Republic.
A CONGRESS OF TAMED LIONS
Two congresses. No show. What is happening? The Katanga Republic I fell in love with was nothing like this? How do we have two congresses and have no one attend? What is happening to us? How?! How on earth?! How on God’s earth?! The very foundation of our being as a hall is our unified existence and that can only be typified in our presence in such assemblies as the Congress. It is even more disturbing that only one congressman was available at the sitting on Sunday. Perhaps, all we know is how to vote based on who greeted us the other day. We do not care what happens. I suspect the editorial will lament this, but it deserves repetition. How can we call ourselves a republic when we cannot even come together when it is needed?
A HALL OF APATHIES
The apathetic attitude of Katangites has reached a head and there is no denying it – Katanga Republic has changed. It is no longer the song of flames that burnt its melodious way into our collective consciousness. We must learn to find ourselves again. This obviously means that the Executive Council has a very long way to go. A very long way. If Katangites need the promise of beans to attend a gathering of brothers, then a terrible job has been done in terms of unity. The Public Relations Officer does put in admirable effort. Only an evil mind would deny that. However, we cannot continue to praise your effort when results are not being seen. I understand that the Public Address System is being repaired, this needs to be fast-tracked as it is the primary form of connecting Katangites. The lack of this connection has made the Republic a stranger to me – an embodiment of the opposite of everything I know. I no longer know how to make our relationship work. I am tired.
TROUBLE IN PARADISE?
Whoever was anywhere near the C Block Ground Floor on Sunday night would have noticed a certain commotion of sorts being heard from an undefined area. I heard it too. And I began to trace it towards the Press Room – a weird phenomenon. As I got closer to the source, I saw a group of people couched secretly at a window, eavesdropping on the Executive Council’s meeting. The noise was so heavy that I feared it would turn violent. The arguments were so heavy that one just could not deny. The eavesdroppers soon left. Of course, in-house meetings can be sometimes raucous, but when the secret discussions you are having about Katanga Republic becomes so heated that it attracts the Katangites themselves, one has to wonder if there is trouble in paradise. But not to worry, an interview with the Administrator-General is underway. All will be found out soon.
In the end, sanity must be returned to the Only Living Hall if our love affair is to continue. It pains me to have to paint the Republic in such a negative light. But sometimes, we need to see our own hideous reflections to know just how dark we have become.
About
This piece was authored by Kanyinsola Olorunnisola. He was an essayist, poet and writer of fiction. He wrote this piece as a final-year student of the Department of Philosophy, University of Ibadan. He was the Editor-in-Chief of IndyPress and erstwhile co-scribe of The Courtroom.
