Breaking up, for those who can tell, is not an easy experience. When your partner says the relationship is over, it sometimes feels like the world is over. Especially as a student in tertiary school, you might worry not just about your heart, but about your grades, your future, and your daily routine.
Still, you need to understand that experiencing a relationship break up doesn’t mean your life is over, it means you’re standing at a new beginning.
When a relationship ends, one of the hardest things is the loss. The loss of companionship, shared routines, dreams of tomorrow, and someone who was part of your daily life. You might feel hurt, angry, confused, or even relieved in moments you never expected.
Because you are in a tertiary institution, this breakup could ripple into your studies. One day you are attending lectures with your partner, sharing notes or wrapping up assignments together. Then suddenly you are alone in the library, your mind wandering into what you lost instead of what you have to read. You may skip classes because the place reminds you of your partner. You may lose focus with your concentration fracturing into pieces, floating away when you open your book. The mind that once held shared laughter now holds heavy silence.
It is okay to admit this pain. It is okay to feel the anger, the sadness, and the loneliness. Grief is not just for death, it comes when someone cherished and important to you leaves too. But when you don’t allow the pain attached to the loss to defeat you, you begin get over it. Don’t shame yourself for crying or for feeling weaker than you thought you were. Strength is never hurting. Strength is hurting and still walking.
In the days that follow, you will find there are choices to make. You can let the breakup define you or you can use it to refine yourself. You can stay stuck, wondering about what happened, or you can stand up, adjust your path, and move forward with purpose. If your academic work is slipping, that calls for a gentle but firm decision, including the decision to protect your goals. You have got to always remind yourself that you have only come to the University to learn, grow, and prepare for tomorrow. Let your studies become part of your healing. Let your books remind you of your worth, capacity, and future.
Change your routines. Change your space. If your study spot triggers memories, try another space. You could walk, read, join a club, or talk to a friend.
You can also talk to people who care. Tell them how you feel. Don’t hide your pain in silence. When you speak, you release some of the pressure pressing on your heart. When you voice out your pain, you find comfort, solidarity, and someone reminding you that you are not alone. Many students before you have felt this same ache and have walked through it to the other side.
Most importantly, don’t chase someone who has abandoned you. Chase your books, your goals and growth. Just like the Yoruba saying goes. “If a man kills himself because of a woman, thousands of women will pass round his grave.” Let this be a warning and a challenge to you.
Your life has not ended because of this breakup. If anything, your life is being redirected. The person who left may have judged you by standards you didn’t even know you set for yourself. That is not your fault. Your mind, your health, your success, they are worth far more than a relationship that was hurting you more than helping you.
Healing takes time, don’t rush it. Some days will feel lighter. Some days will feel heavy again. That is okay. Bring back your small routines. You can start waking up at a set time, eating decently, going to class, reading a page and making a note. Celebrate your little wins, marry your books, listen attentively during lecture, walk across campus instead of hiding in your room. These wins add up.
One day, you will look back and realise you are not the same person you were when the relationship ended. You will see your grades improving, your heart healing, your future clearer. You will realise that this breakup didn’t crush you but helped you rebirth. You will realise that the pain was temporary, but your strength is permanent.
In the end, the breakup was painful. It was unfair. It was real. But you discover that you recover if you do not allow the breakup to break but build you.
