It is a brand new session. And while that means a heartbreaking detachment from the paradise that was the holiday for some people, here it only means one thing: time to work. As the saying goes, the prosperity of every political state is dependent on the tact of its leadership. Thus, for Katanga Republic to thrive, our Administrator-General must be a man of integrity and focus, who has a true vision of where he is leading us. We Katangites have elected the Babalola Sideeq-led administration into power and we expect nothing less than excellence.
So, just to be the kind Samaritan that I am, I just want to remind you of your plans. You know, just to jog your memory a little bit and let you know that we are keeping tabs.
ADMINISTRATOR-GENERAL, AKA SUSO
Running under the banner of the Revitalization Agenda, we would like to see you actually revitalize an aspect of Independence Hall in a way we have never seen before. You promised a regular organization of social events, promotion of indoor games, repair of reading room facilities, restoration of cafeteria as a viewing centre, installation of electric sockets in the kitchenettes, renovation of Indy hall bus-stop, amongst others. Also, you asserted your willingness to repair the Public Address System, notice board and a publicly displayed directory containing the details of our executives. We eagerly watch as we hope you achieve these goals. Note that “hope” is a more passive word here. I believe there will be no need to intensify my diction in such discussions as this. All Katangites really want you to succeed. We all want you to thrive. But remember, there are watchdogs waiting to expose any failings on your part. So, please, do not disappoint us. And as you know, you head the executive council. Therefore, you are responsible for your subordinates. So, let us have a chat with them too, shall we?
SECRETARY OF STATE
Dear Mr. Taylor, how has the holiday been? I heard you started classes already. Don’t mind those law lecturers. If you can spare just a moment, can we just have a run-down of your plans again? Okay, cool. So, let us dive in. You promised to orientate Katangites about the job market and all things post-school. your Human Resource Manager promise was a really big hit among voters and it would be tragic to see you fail in these aspects. Do not forget your vow to organise tutorials for freshers and help link them all up with stalites in their respective fields of study. A very crucial aspect of your campaign was the proposed nexus between Katangites and the executives. This was a breach which reached its peak during the terrible Bolaji Suberu-led administration, which John Odion’s tenure did not do much to correct either. We hope the case is different this time. If you do all of these, it is for the best for all. If you fail, well, you just help to awaken the muse of the Press. We love that. Not the failure part, I mean the muse-awakening part. Just to be clear.
SOCIAL AND BUTTERY COMMISSIONER
Classes are yet to begin in your department and maybe that is a beautiful thing. We both know Philosophy will probably not begin classes until mid-semester, so that extends the ample time you have had to plan ahead. You told us Katangites that you will make the Junior Common Room an avenue for the generation of income for the hall. While your plans were vague in totality, making it hard to point at specific things, there are points of note. Everyone knows Katangites love food. So you can imagine how elated we were when you said you would see to the regulation of food prices and the inspection of their quality. If you do not do this, well, a hungry man is an angry ___.
Future Barrister Bamie, we know you care. That is why I just want to take you back on a trip to the land of memories, where nothing is forgotten, especially not declarations made to hundreds of Katangites on the Manifesto Day. In case it skipped your mind, don’t forget to make do on your pledge to give our quadrangle a new look and facilitate prompt repairs of our room locks, doors and whatnot. Furthermore, let us know when you have bought the speakers, projector and generator for the hall. I am not trying to pressure you. Take your time. Just know that we are watching. Closely. Really closely. Have a good day, sir.
Good day. How was the gym? How many weights did you lift today? Wawu! That’s awesome. Oh yes. Why I am here. I almost forgot. Peace. That is what you hammered upon in your promises. Peace. Peace. Peace. So, please, we pray thee, let us have peace. Ensure that the hall is blanketed by maximum security. Help safeguard our properties and get your marshals in strict formation so as to avoid people like us being kidnapped for writing articles that they did not send us to write.
PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICER
The major take-away from your campaign promises, of course, is the Indy Hall helpline. This was your most potent weapon in crushing John Oyebode, whose equally brilliant manifesto fell to yours, at least in the minds of the voters. The creation of this helpline must not be just be one of those campaign jargons that get lost in transit when the administration begins. Mr. Morenikeji, be the man of integrity we have come to know you as. Also, your idea of live-streaming of events via address systems is one that must be implemented to the fullest. Just like everyone else, we are rooting for your plans to succeed. Imagine what would happen if you failed to execute them?
SPORTS COMMISSIONER AKA TJ
Sir, since your unopposed candidacy and lack of appearance at last year’s Press Night did not give us a chance to properly scrutinize your manifesto, we are left to make-do with what you offered. Thus, we at Indy Press are officially showing our support for you. While I am no sportsman (I left my footballing days behind in SSS3, when Ayo Ayinla broke my leg), I am aware of the near-spiritual energy sporting activities bring to so many Katangites and I really hope you bring us all the good things you said you would. The Maracana pitch, as you stated yourself, needs fencing. Being your first plan and perhaps the only one distinctly novel of all, there is an expediency of the utmost order attached to its realisation.
FINANCE COMMISSIONER, THE MAN OF 2Ts
Hi. Well, it’s quite obvious, so let me be blunt about it. If anything happens to our money, it won’t be a rainy day.
Hey! I woke up with a serious back-ache. Do you think I need to get that checked? Can you help with that? Oh, you deal with animals. Well, human beings are higher animals, right? Get it? Bad joke? Okay. We need to talk though. I saw your manifesto and therein, you swore you that you will make sure the water from the tanks is fit for drinking and that you will conduct an assessment of the salons and cafeteria(s) in Katanga. I salute your intentions. You probably have the most basic plans of all. That is not a bad thing. It only means it will be easier for you to achieve your goals. So, if you do not achieve them, you will have no excuse.
Mr. AG, where are you? Oh. Sorry I left you behind. I just wanted to remind you and all your executives once more that if you do not stand on your word, you will fall on someone else’s. I am tired of seeing executives coming onboard and throwing their manifesto to the wind, barely sticking to their constitutional duties alone. Your administration’s failure (not limited to Hall Week and year-end packages) will break the hearts of many. There needs to be a synergy. We voted for every one of the executives and you are their General to keep them in order. History is recording all we do. Good day. Now, smile for the camera. I need a picture for this article. No? Okay.
WRITTEN BY: KAYINSOLA