Campus Issues With Amazon: Becoming a UITE (Part 2)


How to be a Serious Uite

You must have your KDL card already, guard it jealously and never allow it to get lost (if your goal is to be or appear like a serious student, and because you don’t want to find out what the process of getting a new one is like). Now, that that has been settled, you need to understand that a triangular student is a serious student, and a serious student is a triangular student. Adopt and maintain the lifestyle and reputation of a triangular student. Your movement must be from your hall to the lecture rooms, from the lecture rooms to KDL, and from KDL back to your hall. That is a perfect triangle!

Why be a triangular student?

Maintaining a triangular routine will help you focus on reading, and avoid students who can influence you to be less serious, and activities that can cause distraction (and you don’t want that to happen). You’ll often hear unsolicited advice on maintaining connections as those you underrate might be the ones you’ll need in the future. Now, that’s them trying to insinuate you underrate some people when you’re only minding your business. Whoever is feeling underrated should remember that life no be Nollywood. Just do your thing and be serious or, appear serious. It comes with great rewards.

Note to the (Aspiring) Politician

The first thing I need to tell you, so you’ll understand how important it is and always keep it in your memory, is that you must never directly or subtly frown at the powers that be or their decisions. That’s not your job, forget all those political maxims from unknown lands. Your mentors are the smart, enviable politicians of our great country Nigeria. Don’t mind those who describe them with words like “corrupt”, “kleptomaniac” or “power drunk”; I assure you that they are only being envious because they don’t understand the game. Yes, politics is a dirty game and it takes the strong to master the rules of the game.

I believe you understand that well, so, the next thing you need to understand is how to be very nice to people, especially freshers. Greet everyone with a small bow while smiling, introduce yourself to them and compliment their appearance or hair or anything else – just find something to compliment. You can go the extra mile by organizing the washing of water tanks, especially in the female hall – and is very much actively and noticeably involved in the exercise. When it’s time to cast their votes, they’ll remember your name that’s what really matters (if you’re beautiful or handsome, you don’t know what God has done for you). During electioneering campaigns, people will say “it’s that beautiful girl/ handsome guy that I’ll vote for”, “that guy dey greet eh! Nobody wey no sabi am for this faculty” or “who go even vote for that other one way proud like anything? Na this fine babe wey dey greet us we go vote for”. Your manifesto doesn’t really matter, and people will even shout if you’re being asked too many questions by those press people forming Dele Giwa at press nights. People will tell them you’ll learn on the job.

Another thing you should pay attention to is your grades, you don’t want to be disqualified on the basis of CGPA. Even if you don’t ace all your courses, make sure to avoid Ds in any way you can. Remember this is UI, character, and learning go hand in hand, and the only way to prove that you’re really learning is by making Bs, even if you won’t be able to make As (because of the time you have to dedicate to your political ambition). With all that I’ve mentioned well taken care of by you, you can be sure that your political journey on campus will be an easy one.


To The Journalist – My Two Cents

To you the student who has chosen to live by the letters, I say, you will have many foes. You should not be surprised, you chose that when you became a campus journalist (CJ). That’s what you get when you carry people’s matters on your head. The powers that be will press your neck, and fellow students (especially politicians) will not exactly be nice to you. What else do you expect when you choose to expose the inactions of those who have done nothing but bow graciously to greet you cheerfully way before they were elected and even after?

However, do not be discouraged. Do your job in all sincerity. You should be grateful that at least, no one will be reckless enough to risk their studentship by being caught attacking you physically? That’s one of the things you get to enjoy by being an Uite. The Lord is your strength.

…to be continued


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