By: Sofo Makinde – Oga at the top

I have always known that I’m born to rule. Yes ke! Leadership is in my DNA. In fact, my relationship with leadership is like that of Alajo Somolu and his money bags (you can read that again). It had even been foretold to my parents that I am destined to be an Oga when I grow up. It was therefore not surprising when the gods and the people of Katanja choose me to lead them. Of course my enemies tried, they have been trying, but Comrade! All power belongs to me!

Speaking of enemies, you get a lot of those when you are an Oga. Was it when Lord Gingo was gossiping with another resident about how well-furnished my room is? Or when they talked about the size of my bed, and compared it with those of married people? Or when Lasisi was running his mouth about how I turned my room into a Mini Motel with a standard wine bar? I know my enemies; they do not want me to progress as the Oga in this rebuplick. They do not want me to enjoy the little things a Oga has to enjoy. It’s all jealousy, but they will never succeed.
As if those are not enough, see me see another trouble in the house of Lords ooo. But Before I tell you about it, let me first give you a rundown of my territory.

In Katanja, we have two categories of people – the Commoners and the Lords. The Commoners are the residents of the House of Commons; they are fairly new in the rebuplick and some don’t even know the traditions. In the House of Lords however, there are the residents who have spent many years in Katanja and in the service of the republick. That is where the true Comrades live. You may have already guessed, being the Oga I stay in the House of Lords.

So, as I was saying, another of my haters in the house of Lords, trying to hinder my Oga responsibilities (purely diplomatic by the way), to the good ladies of neighbouring kingdoms and rebuplicks, locked the small gate that leads to the house of Lords. Mind you, this small gate is strictly for official and security reasons. You don’t want diplomats mingling with the commoners do you? Besides isn’t it normal for me to have some “miss” visit me regularly (outside the visiting hours) for spiritual exercises? These people don’t want us to intercede for the goodness of the rebuplick.

All these while, I didn’t know my enemies have been watching me and they are also angry at me. I got to the gate on that fateful day with one of those Misses, only to discover that a particular Lord has locked the gate with another padlock. This was done to restrict me from going out through that gate as I pleased. It was a slap to my face. I expected more the Lords and I didn’t expect them to behave like the Commoners in the Republick. Can you imagine the insolence?

The one that is even the most painful is people trying to deny me the exclusive privileges of being an Oga. Even if these privileges are not constitutional, who cares? In our culture, it is not everything you say with your mouth! You too see oo, the other day, I overheard gossips about how I locked up a toilet that’s to be shared with other twelve occupants on my floor, reserving it for myself. Haba! These people are wicked. Didn’t I try for them, among three toilets on the floor, I left two for them to share. Is that not enough? To think that previous Ogas who ruled before me did beyond that, so why are they picking on me? This is not fair!!

I will end my story with a quote from a mentor – Rudolf Zitler. He said and I quote “If you want to shine like the Sun, you must also be ready to burn like it!” If my enemies are that angry when I ran for the post of the Oga, why didn’t they run also? In the meantime, I will continue to live my time and show them shege!! I know they smile and honour me when they see me, but at my back they snitch on me. It’s one of those crosses I must for sake of the people of Katanja Rebuplick. This is my destiny as an Oga, and so help me god, I must fulfil it!